Nothing excites me anymore. When I say nothing, NOTHING. Literally no-one-thing. Gone are the days when I used to sit cosy in my favourite spot watching TV shows or anime with glittery eyes, excitement thumping in the heart, munching on the Snickers bar, postulating what I would’ve done in those stifling situations with curiosity sky high. Even more, I would imagine myself saving the world or the world of someone giving me innumerable joy and fulfilment. I couldn’t take my eyes off it once I got hooked to an anime. Headphones on, volume tweaked to the maximum, I was immersed.
I don’t understand what it is and I can’t seem to explain it either, but, now I don’t feel like watching it at all. I remember not being able to contain the overwhelming urge while letting out a silent shriek whenever I found out about a new anime to watch. It has all changed now. I no longer feel the pulsating and nerve-wrecking emotion anymore. Regardless, there are moments which holds these tiny little moments of our lives that we spend with utmost joy, appalling sadness or just a bit of both. This doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy the life that I’m living right now. I do. Couldn’t have wished for it to be in any other way. Don’t have regrets either. I never have. It is absolutely perfect and might that be the problem, I wonder? Ever since I was a kid, I’ve been fortunate enough to get what I wanted. Every time. Call it coincidence, blessing or whatever you want, but the things I desire always find me in one way or the other like a magnet attracting a metal. I’ve even pondered on the possibility of someone conjuring up a spell and getting me things I wanted.
“What if the most valuable thing in your eyes fails to find you for the first time? How would you react to the disappointment?” Mom has asked me numerous times.
“I’ll accept it as it comes”, I’ve reassured her each time.
There are days where I just observe the way our world flows and feel awestruck at the way the world is heading towards; unwaveringly prudent and materialistic. Same old nonchalant laughter, soul-less greetings and half-hearted conversations. No way am I insinuating everything is dim-lit and half baked, not being rude either. There are a few bright sparks here and there. But, I don’t find it surprising anymore.
I think of a story cooked up by myself when the grandeur of time comes swooping in a conversation with people. I dawn upon this story when I’m feeling a little down or have millennials of time left to spare.
“The past is a coal mine with the way you came in closed off with gigantic boulders. You can peek in through the holes and see the path you walked through, but you can’t go back. The future is mysterious and as dark as the coal itself. No matter what you do, you can’t see the path you’re about to tread or know what’s waiting for you. The present is the only timeline under your belt with the lantern by your side. You can only illuminate the mine by moving forward; unfurling all the unanswered questions. The pile of boulders roll closer and blocks away the place where you stood a second back reminding you that you can’t go back. So, just tread along, my friend. Connect with your soul, reach for the skies. Cross oceans expanding across continents, drink from the highest mountains and valleys, you’re destined for greatness”.